Kriss

My name is Kriss and Jesus Christ saved me.
I’m originally from Terre Haute, IN. I’m 21 years old. My passions are music, basketball, watching movies,
spending time with my family, and making people laugh!
I guess you could say that I’m a bit of a clown. I tend to go a little overboard with jokes so I’m currently working on managing that, haha!
The story on how I came to Christ is actually very simple. A little drastic, but simple.
A little over 6 months ago my life was at an all time low. I had no job. I had no money. I was heartbroken. I had pushed away everyone that had tried to help me, and I relied on alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana, partying, & sex to numb any and every feeling. You see, I didn’t grow up with any religious background at all. Actually, I didn’t even know who Jesus really was. I just thought He was a name you shouted out whenever you got mad. I knew he was a man that once lived, but I didn’t know WHO He was. My parents never really told me about him when I was younger, and we never really went to church unless someone died or got married. The only real idea that I had of a Christian was what I had seen on BET movies. Obviously that didn’t set the best example.

 Well, about 3 years ago, after I had dropped out of high school I started working at a satellite company selling TV when I met a guy that would later go on to show me who Christ really was. He was my boss and he worked out of the office in Evansville, and I worked out of the office in Terre Haute that was ran by his younger brother. From time to time he would come up to the Terre Haute office to check up on the reps and to make sure we were doing what we were supposed to. Sometimes he would just come up to work with us, or visit his brother.

 But every time that he came up he would always talk to me about Jesus. Not religion. Not my sin. Not about me living life wrong. But about Jesus. Still, I hated when he did because it was a subject that I was extremely uncomfortable talking about. The thought of a God that created everything that we know of in the universe, and that had the power to do anything scared me to the point where I didn’t even want t0 acknowledge the fact that it could or could not be true. It got to the point to where when he talked to me about Jesus, and read me scripture when I worked with him, I had to tell him to stop because I couldn’t focus on work. All I thought about was the fear I had for God. It threw me off. Here I am living this life that is complete sin & he’s telling me about what sin really is. It made me hate talking to him, but it also made me build a certain respect for him. Anytime he came around I knew not to cuss or act ratchet. I knew that if I talked about filth then he would shut it down and preach. We did have one common interest though, and that was music. I’d show him my songs and he’d tell me how talented I was and how he had a record label that I could sign too if I ever changed my life. I never really gave it much thought though because it meant I’d have to become a Christian and talk about “goody goody” things. The life I was interested in was more about drugs, trapping, degrading women, and living for only myself. I admired rappers like Ace Hood, Drake, Meek Mill, J Cole and others, and I wanted to be exactly like them. Despite how I continued to live, my boss never gave up on talking to me about Christ. But as time went by I learned how to ignore it.

 At this time I had been dating a girl for almost a year and we had a damaging relationship. We’d date. Break up. Date. Break up. Date again. Nonstop problems. After working at my job for about 2 years I started to think if I was going to do anything meaningful with my life while she went to college. It made me insecure to think that she had big plans and I had nothing going for me. The more insecure I got, the more controlling I became. After awhile it got so bad that It drove both of us to dark places and led us to destruction. She joined a sorority at college and we ended up having more problems in our relationship. These problems went on for months until we finally broke up for the last time and went separate ways. I began to drink more as I grew closer to depression. I lost all motivation to work, eat, or talk to people. I ended up getting fired from my job because I couldn’t perform and after burning through the little amount of money I had saved up I couldn’t eat. The only reason I really made it was because I lived with my brother so he would pay for me and help me. My parents would let me sleep on the couch at home but I would just sleep all day and think about how lonely I was. It got to the point where I thought about dying. Everyday I thought about dying. The more I saw how much my ex was “happy” and living it up in the college life, the sadder I got. Every time I got on social media and saw the guys talking to her and the things she was doing made me bitter. In my eyes, I was “in love” and my philosophy was “if I can’t be with her then I don’t want to live”. Well, the more I thought about that, the more I believed it. It made me want to really die. I was tired of going out to parties being shy and upset. I hated feeling awkward or worrying about if I’d see her out with another guy. And I didn’t have the energy to drink my problems away so instead I would spend countless nights lying in bed listening to depressing music. I remember lying in bed for about 2 weeks straight only leaving once to buy more cigarettes. The only time I got up was to use the bathroom or attempt to eat something. Every day doing nothing but thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking. Until one day, I decided I was done thinking. So, I got a hold of one of my friends and asked him to hook me up with a gun. When he asked me why I needed it I told him that I just wanted it for protection and he was cool with it. I decided to message my ex to get the promise ring that I had given her years before and I told her that “I want it before I end everything.”. The more I kept saying weird things like that she started to ask me what I was planning to do. I told her that I was going to kill myself. The scary thing is, I was really planning to do it. I think most people go through that stage of thinking but never actually try to do it, but I had it cemented in my brain that I was going to do it. After I had messaged her I showed up at her work to get my ring. She didn’t have it so I went back to my apartment and laid in bed thinking of how it was going to feel to die. After thinking so much about it I got up and went into my kitchen and got out the biggest knife I had and held it to my wrist. As I was holding it, I started crying intensely and tried to persuade myself to just do it, but something was telling me not too. I always thought if I were to kill myself that I would use a gun so I wouldn’t feel it but at this point I was over the waiting. I held it closer to my wrist and started screaming. “C’mon! C’mon! Do it!”. I stood there in the kitchen, tears running down my face, thinking of my family and everybody that I would leave behind. Thinking of how they would feel and convincing myself that they wouldn’t even care. And then it hit me. This whole time I had thought about dying, but never once thought about where I would go if I did. Then it popped in my head. Everything that my boss had ever talked to me about started to run through my thoughts. I thought about God. I thought about heaven… And then… I thought about hell. You see, I had always been told that if you commit suicide then you go to hell. From what my boss had told me, hell was a lake of fire that burned for eternity. I didn’t want to go there. I thought of myself burning forever. Screaming in fear. Then, I dropped the knife. I realized that I didn’t want that. I was still extremely depressed, but I knew that I was scared to meet God’s wrath. As soon as I dropped the knife my doorbell rang. I went to the door and opened it. Standing there was my mother, in tears, along with 2 police officers. She said, “Logan, I love you! I know what you have been thinking about doing and I just wanted to come here to help you because I love you! And as your mother, as long as I’m alive, I will never let you do something like this!”. I remember the words so clearly. She told me about how my ex-girlfriend had told her everything I had said. The police officers sat me down on my couch with my mom and began talking to me about what was going on. They asked me why I was thinking about killing myself. The whole time they were talking to me it’s like their words became silent and my thoughts grew louder. I started to think back on what my boss had always told me. How he told me that God has his hands on everything. I snapped back to reality and the policeman started to tell me stories about kids that have actually committed suicide. Apparently there had been a suicide a couple days before and some girl had hung herself. They told me about how real it is and how I should think it through first. I had already thought it through enough. I lived the thought for months. They then took me to the hospital where they ran tests on me and had me talk to a therapist. After I had gotten out I went back to my parents house to stay. I didn’t do anything but watch TV, take medication, and spend time with my family. My mom would always check on me like I was 5 years old again, always asking if I was hungry. I started to eat a little more but mostly I just forced it. I started to get better though. After a few days, I got a call from my boss. He was with a friend that we both worked with before and she was telling me how much she like one of my songs. “If you would just make a cd then I would take out all my Rick Ross cd’s and just play you!”, she said. Then my boss got on the phone and said, “Man, I don’t think you understand how talented you are at rappin’ dawg! Like for real, if you would just follow me and let me show you what’s real then I’d have you right dawg!” As soon as he said that I thought about where I was at and if I was ever going to get out of it. I thought about if I had any way of bettering myself and I couldn’t think of anything. Finally, I told him “I’m ready!”. I decided that I was ready to start a new life. I was ready to leave everything that I had lived for before because I realized that it had never done anything positive for me. It did nothing but consume me and destroy me. When I told him this he was geeked (excited)! He started planning immediately on how I would move down to Evansville and he would disciple me. I opened myself up to listen to all that he was going to tell me. But he told me first I have to “get up in The Word”. He told me that if I wanted to move then I needed to understand why first and to start reading my bible. The first time I ever opened up a bible was when I was 20 years old. Once I opened it I learned so much about who this loving God was. It made me want to know him more. I started going to church with my boss’ younger brother. The first time I had ever gone to church to learn and worship God was when I was 20 years old. I remember walking in and sitting down in the front. I remember looking at the stage and thinking about how much I loved the setup. My thoughts on going to church weren’t the best, but I was ready to live a better life. I remember being really nervous and shy. They opened up the service with worship and I just kind of stood there while everybody sang. I read the lyrics on the big screens on the walls and tried to sing along in my head. I was too nervous to try to sing aloud. Then after they worshipped, the pastor came out and opened up with a prayer. Then, he went over what the day’s lesson was, and it was about being broken. He began preaching and I felt like he was talking directly to me. Everything that he was saying was describing exactly what I was going through in my life. He hit all of my struggles right on the head. It was as if God was speaking through him to me. He ended his sermon with a prayer and they began to worship again. The song they sang was “Give Me Faith” by Elevation Worship. It made me fall to my knees! I cried so hard that I couldn’t control it. I felt a sense of peace. I felt like all of the worries and struggles in my life; all of the fears that I had of being lonely just lifted off of my shoulders. I felt like I was light. The once heavy burdens that I had were lifted and I felt so beautiful. I felt a sense of love. From that day forward I told myself that this is the life that I want to live. I wanted to feel love. I wanted to feel real love. I made one prayer. I prayed that God would change my heart. I prayed that he made it completely new and that he takes away the sin that I loved and make it love him. What that song taught me was that real love was in Jesus Christ. So I started to dedicate my time to read the bible. I cut off all of the old things that I use to do. I stopped drinking. I stopped smoking. I stopped talking to girls. I quit it all. After about a month I had finally made the big move to Evansville where I started my new life of living for Jesus. I joined a church with my boss where he later on baptized me, and I got my job back selling satellite TV and moved into my own apartment. Now I live for Jesus. Everything I do is for him. My boss’ name, who had showed me Christ, is Dom Cosby. He is a part of Nkosi and the one that had introduced me to the label and all of the people associated with it. I am now a signed artist with Nkosi and I make music that no longer glorifies me. Now I glorify our amazing God with every song I make. I am truly blessed to be a part of this label and to know the people in it. My goal is to glorify God and to spread Jesus’ name throughout the world, even if it kills me! All glory to God for blessing me with love. Thank you Jesus for loving me so much that you saved me from my old life. Thank you for saving me from the knife. Thank you for saving me from death. Now I live in your presence. God bless to all and may you rest in his perfect love!